A marriage needs the support and love of a community, cheering you on when you are doing
well, and bolstering you when times are hard. This is part of the reason why we invite
wedding guests to attend our wedding ceremony—as witnesses but also as our help in times
of need.
To push this concept even further, you can plan to incorporate your guests to help during the
ceremony by assigning some key roles. Look at five common wedding traditions that you give
to your guests to manage as a meaningful part of the wedding ceremony.
Guest’s Vow of Support
Just as the soon-to-be-married couple takes a vow, you can ask all of the assembled guests to
take a vow, too. In the Episcopal tradition, this is called the community’s declaration of
consent. People of many faiths have used this tradition. What happens is the minister or
officiant asks the assembled guests, “Will all of you witnessing these vows do all in your power
to support these two and their marriage?” The wedding guests then respond, “We will.”
An alternative wording to request this community vow is “Will the congregation please rise. A
marriage needs the support of a community. Will you, as this couple’s friends and family,
promise to support them in their marriage, love them, and encourage their love for each
other?” The guests can respond with “We will, we promise, or yes.”
This community vow of support is a softer replacement to the traditional phrase in the
ceremony “If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or
forever hold your peace.”
Additionally, you can also use this group vow or blessing as a modern-day substitute for giving
the bride away. Instead of a woman (or anyone about to be wedded) is “given away” by their
family, instead, the family (or all guests) can give a blessing to the union.
Blessing of the Rings
If you have a small wedding, you may ask your wedding guests to bless your wedding bands or
to imbue them with positive energy and love. Hand them to someone in the front row and ask
for them to be passed around until they come back to the front. It is best if this can happen
during a musical interlude. This may not be practical if you have more than 50 guests. In that
case, you may just want to just ask a few select people to hold the rings and bless them, as
passing them around the room can take too much time, and you might run the risk of losing
them.
Candle Ceremony
A candle ceremony is another nice way of harnessing the love of your family and friends. It’s
like a unity candle ceremony, but instead of just uniting the two families, it unites the whole
room.
Each guest is given an unlit candle as they enter the ceremony. At the designated time, the
officiant or the bride and groom light the candle of someone in the front row. They, in turn,
pass the flame to the person next to him or her, who in turn passes it to the next person.
When everyone’s candle has been lit, the last person passes the flame to the bride and groom,
who use it to light a central candle.
It is wonderful to do this right before the procession so that your guests do not have to worry
about fire danger and dripping candle wax for too long. And, if it is an evening event, then
exiting the ceremony with the sight of all those candles in the night-time will be breathtaking.
Standing and Giving a Wish
The officiant should inform the crowd that there will be 10 minutes of reflection and relative
silence. During that time, if anyone is so moved, they can get up and give a wish for the
couple’s marriage or simply an observation. This custom was originally based on a Quaker
wedding ceremony but has since become something unto itself. You can shorten the amount
of time given to this activity, particularly if your guests seem particularly shy.
It is probably a good idea if you tell guests in advance about this portion of their ceremony, so
some can prepare words to say or work up the courage publicly.
Exchanging the Peace
One of the simplest ways of involving your guests is also one of the nicest. Towards the end of
the ceremony, each guest will turn to their neighbours, say hello and shake hands. They might
say “Peace be with you” or “Peace and love.
Though exchanging the peace is not directly asking for their support, it is helping to form a
community and human interaction. And ultimately, it is that community that will support you
for many years to come.
Looking to include a unity candle ceremony or similar tradition in your wedding? Gaining in
popularity, some of these are recent innovations, while others are cultural traditions that go
back hundreds and hundreds of years.
The Unity Candle
One of the most common ceremonies, the bride and groom each take a lit candle and
simultaneously light a third larger “unity candle.” They may blow out their individual lights, or
leave them lit, symbolizing that they have not lost their individuality in their unity. Stores are
now selling elaborate unity candle setups, including a candelabra that holds the central unity
candle higher than the others. You may also have your unity candle personalized with your
names and the date, allowing it to be a keepsake from your wedding.
Variation: All guests are given a candle, and the first guest’s candle is lit. Guests pass the flame
until all are lit, and then the bride and groom together light their unity candle. This variation
typically includes a proclamation that this ceremony represents the unity of friends and family
supporting the couple in their marriage.
Other Unity Ceremonies
Rose Ceremony: A simple unity ceremony where the bride and groom exchange roses. Other
variations: the families exchange roses, the bride and groom exchange roses with their
families, the bride and groom exchange roses, then present their mothers with the roses.
Wine Ceremony: The bride and groom each take a carafe of wine and pour it into a single
glass, which they both drink from.
Water Ceremony: The couple each pour different coloured water into a single glass, creating a
third colour.
Sand Ceremony: Similar to the water ceremony, the bride and groom both pour different
coloured sand into a glass while reciting their vows.
Breaking Bread Ceremony: The bride and groom each tear off a piece of bread, and then each
eats a piece. Sometimes the bread is also shared with family and friends. It symbolizes their
future as a family together.
Ceremonies from Around the World
Salt Ceremony: Indian weddings often include a salt ceremony, where the bride passes a
handful of salt to her groom without spilling any. He then passes it back to her and the
exchange is repeated three times. She then performs the salt exchange with all the members
of the groom’s family, symbolizing her blending in with her new family.
Garland Ceremony or Lei Ceremony: The bride and groom exchange garlands of flowers. This
is a common part of Indian weddings, where the ceremony is called varmala or jaimala and
represents a proposal by the bride and acceptance by the groom. It also represents their new
unity, blessed by nature. In Hawaiian weddings, the bride and groom typically exchange leis.
The families may also exchange leis with the couple. Leis represent the love and respect you
have for the person you are giving it to and the unity of the new family.
Circling: In Eastern European ceremonies, the bride and groom circle the altar three times,
which are their first steps together as husband and wife. In Hindu ceremonies, couples circle
the fire seven times, sealing their bond. The unbroken circle represents the unbroken
commitment to each other.
Broom Jumping: An African American tradition that has its roots in slavery times when slaves
couldn’t marry. Typically, the family places the broom on the ground, and the bride and
groom jump over it together. The broom can then decorate a place of honor in their home.
Lasso Ceremony: Lasso or rope is placed around the bride and groom’s shoulders, usually by
the officiant. Sometimes rosary beads or orange flowers are used instead of a rope. It can also
be placed around the couple’s necks, or wrists.
Celtic Oathing Stone: The couple holds or puts their hands on a stone during their vows to “set
them in stone”
Truce Bell: A bell is rung on the wedding day, the happiest day of the couple’s lives and then is
placed in a central location in the home. If the couple starts to argue, one of them can ring the
truce bell, reminding them both of that happiness and hopefully ending the disagreement
quickly.
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